Have a look at the example below:
“Self-motivated, reliable and experienced Sales Manager with extensive experience in business-to-business and business-to-customer sales. Experience of succeeding in high-pressure environment, seeking a new challenge that is both exciting and rewarding”
What do you think about this?
Observations:
- It has quite a few unsubstantiated claims and generic statements
- What do they mean by extensive experience and high-pressured environment?
- It gives some insights into the person’s values and motivators, e.g. “self-motivated”
- How could this be made better?
This packs a little more punch:
“Target orientated, driven Area Sales Manager, with proven success in B2B and B2C. Grew client base from 78 to 3150 in the last 3 years, achieving record profit levels of >£1.8m”
It’s specific and includes quantifiable outcomes. The hiring company may now want to have a discussion to explore ‘how’ this person achieved such a great result.
Have a go at writing yours. Try to add some specific detail, for example, instead of communication skills, explain briefly exactly what this meant – delivered presentations at monthly conferences for audiences of up to 500 people.
